Disorderly Conduct

So what do you tell your friend after a night like tonight.  She is an amazing person but when she has a drink she becomes someone else.  Not a mean drunk but rather a sensitive weepy/silly drunk.  This person doesn't know anyone at the poker party that you're invited to and the group needs a sub because one of the regulars can't make it so you ask your pal because it would be cool to have your friend there.

You're not one to watch someone else's liquor because it's not your job and they carpooled with you so no worries about them getting behind the wheel.  But you are humiliated that they are calling people a-holes in a round about way telling certain people over and over that they love them.  Use your cell phone to text their boy friend as they don't have a cell phone at the moment for financial reasons and when you see the texts later you're like f**k I have to text this poor sap back and let him know his girl was drunk and that it's not her phone so that the texting stops before your husband sees and thinks otherwise.  Everyone says they weren't offended and had a great time though. Oye!

After the "party" is over and it's time to go home you worry about them getting sick and puking in your car.  You take a plastic bag or two and have it ready as you drive off with their window down because it's too "hot" in your car when really it's just the booze that has them really warm.  You turn on your gps because you haven't been to your friends new place in a while and it's dark and difficult to find your way out of the little town your in.  They're swearing like a sailor at the gps because they are telling you a story of some kind and the gps is "interrupting" their story, you can't tell what it's about as all the words are slurred together and they're not making any sense what-so-ever.  After what feels like hours (15 minutes) you arrive at their place, they try telling you that they think you're awesome and wonder why you put up with them.  They want to talk to you forever but all you want to do is go home.  So 45 minutes later you get them to get out of the car, you look down at your seat to see what looks like a pee stain and your thought/mantra is over and over I hope that's just bad lighting I hope that's just bad lighting.  When you get out to help them you hear a thump sound and as you make your way around to the other side of the vehicle they are laying on the floor.

Earlier that same day you had done a lot of weight lifting at the gym so your muscles are already sore and tired and it takes every ounce of energy and everything you have to lift them up when you do you are now practically carrying them to the door to their house thinking and hoping to not get robbed, murdered, or raped because you are in ghetto-ville.  They ring the door bell and their roomate whom is older than dirt answers in their old man boxers and that's it with a hard on (you're pretty sure he was watching porn), being that you've had enough you toss her at him and say good night and run like fucking hell hoping your car hasn't been jacked.  To top off your night, when you get home you realize that they did pee in your car, new car at that as it's barely a year old.  So how the f**k do you explain the pee to your husband?  And it hits you, so THIS is why I dislike going to bars and being around those that are freakin hammered out of their mind!